2014/03/31

當下的感動

不用走進博物館
街上四周已是活生生的歷史見證

走到一扇藍色木門
目光不想移開
雙腳不想走開
那是一扇充滿魔法力量的木門

這是一條充滿感覺的街道
每一幢建築都有一股力量
一種感覺
一種味道
叫我停下腳步

那流動的渠水
卻只有旁邊的山羊
才察覺到它的生命力

就連垃圾堆
也是充滿色彩
充滿藝術觸動的感覺

每一個當下
都充滿著感動

微笑
是最美的資產

如坐上時光機回到過去 
這是我喜歡印度的原因

跟著地圖走
只能到達標示的地方

隨心而行
定會發現另一片天空


Thanjavur, India 2014



2014/03/29

The Kind Soul of a 9 year-old Dutch Girl 九歲荷蘭女生的善舉

I met Celine, a Dutch aunty during my stay here in the ashram. One day Celine asked me if I would be free to help distributing ice-cream for the children here with her. So when that afternoon came, hundreds children were all sitting quietly in the hall, girls one side boys the other side, waiting patiently for the time to come, seemed that they were going to get something very special and unique for the first time in their lives.

When the motorbike guy came, there sat a huge box at the back of his motorbike, with all the ice-cream treats the children were waiting for. Standing in front of all the children, Celine held on her hand with the picture of Nanou, the little Dutch girl which made all these happened, explained the whole story to the children, with one Indian lady helped translating, so that the children knew why they were getting the ice-cream treats.

After the explanation finished, the Indian lady asked all the 9 years old children to raise their hands. To me it was such an important moment to show that such a young age could also do something for the others, if they want to.

Then the children came out one row by one row to receive their treats, with sincerity and thankfulness on the faces, they went back to their seats quietly to enjoy their treats with great satisfactions, like ice-cream was something they rarely get in their lifetimes.

To understand Nanou’s story in details, I asked Celine to tell me the whole story after we finished our service.

Nanou was a 9 year-old Dutch girl living behind Celine’s block in Holland. One day, Celine’s doorbell rang, there stood Nanou and her girlfriend, one holding a box of cards and one holding a box of pennies, explaining they were doing a fundraising for the poor children in India by selling their handmade cards. Celine never met these 2 girls before, although they all lived in the same neighborhood, asked them how they were going to send the money to India. Nanou and her friend didn’t know how, said they just knew that there were a lot of poor children in India. Celine then told them she actually knew a place in India with 500 poor children and orphans staying, and she could help them to use the money to buy treats for the poor children. She took out her folder from the ashram, showing them pictures of the ashram and the orphanage, explained to them in small details what the ashram did. The girls were very excited, took the ashram folder with them, and decided to go home and told their parents about it.

Nanou started a project in her school, used the ashram information as the subject, explained to her fellow schoolmates her new fundraising campaign. She wanted everyone to help bring back old plastic bottles, so that she could raise money by refunding them. In Holland, refunding a plastic bottle worth 10 cents, and Nanou finally managed to collect 300 bottles which gave her 30 Euros.

Nanou went to Celine, wanted Celine’s help to send the money to the children in the ashram. However, Celine told Nanou may be they could use the money to buy treats for the children instead. They then decided that ice-cream is something very rare in the children lives here. With this kind little move, Nanou made the day of the hundreds children here. Although Nanou was born with a left blind eye, Celine believes that people born with disability are actually keepers of the light, they are born to be a special person with mission. And she was glad that she could be the bridge to help this 9 years old soul to achieve her dream here in India.  

28/03/2014
written in Sri Premananda Ashram volunteer quarter

  
在這間修道院,我認識了一位來自荷蘭的阿姨Celine。有一天,Celine問我要不要陪她一起給孤兒院的小孩子派雪糕。當那個下午來到,幾百個小孩子安靜地坐在禮堂的地板上,男生一邊女生一邊,耐心地等待著,像要迎接人生中一個重要時刻的來臨一樣。

一位駕駛著電單車的司機來到,他的車尾上綁著一個大箱子,裏面裝著的就是小孩子們期待已久的禮物。Celine舉起一位荷蘭小女孩Nanou的相片,走到全部小孩子面前,透過一位印度女士做翻譯,跟他們解釋為甚麼他們當天會有雪糕吃。

講解完畢後,那位印度女士突然叫全部九歲小孩子舉手,那是一個很重要的時刻,因為原來只要有心,九歲小孩子也有能力做一些善舉。

然後小孩子們開始一行一行走出來接受他們的禮物,臉上掛著誠懇和感恩的笑容。他們回到自己的座位,安靜地、滿足地享用著他們的禮物,好像一輩子從來沒有吃過雪糕一樣。

當活動完畢後,我向Celine了解整個故事的來龍去脈。

Nanou是一個九歲的荷蘭小女生,住在Celine家附近。有一天,Celine門鐘響起,門外站著Nanou和她的朋友,她們每人手持一個小盒子,內裏盛載著一些手作賀卡和零錢,說她們正為印度貧困的小孩子籌款。雖然是鄰居,Celine卻從不認識她們,Celine好奇地問她們兩個打算怎樣把善款送到印度呢?Nanou和她的朋友卻回答說不知道,她們只知道印度有很多貧困的小孩子而已。於是,Celine跟她們說她知道一處在印度的地方,那裏有五百位清貧小孩子和孤兒,她可以幫忙把她們籌得的善款給小孩子們買禮物。Celine拿出這間修道院的資料,給她們看這間修道院和這裏小孩子的相片,並解釋這裏的運作。Nanou和她的朋友聽畢後非常興奮,她們拿著修道院的資料,決定回家跟父母商量。

Nanou用修道院的資料,在自己的學校做了個演說,還舉辦了一個膠樽回收活動。她希望同學們能幫忙拿取家裏棄置的膠樽回到學校,她可以把它們拿去回收來籌款。在荷蘭,回收一個膠樽價值一毛錢,Nanou最後收集了三百個膠樽,籌集了三十歐羅。

Nanou把善款拿給Celine,希望Celine能幫忙把善款用在修道院的小孩子身上。Celine提議說可以用善款給小孩子們買禮物,最後,她們決定給小孩子們買雪糕,因為這裏的小孩子不是常常有機會吃雪糕的。一個九歲女童的善舉,令修道院幾百個小孩子樂透了半天。雖然Nanou先天左眼失明,Celine卻相信,每個先天殘缺的人都是光明的使者,他們都有特別的任務在身。Celine很榮幸她可以作為橋樑,幫助這位九歲的小天使達成她在印度助人的夢想。

28/03/2014
寫於Sri Premananda Ashram宿舍內


上一次全心全意地吃雪糕
是甚麼時候?

2014/03/26

Ochivaye Dreams 5 – Dream of Spirituality of a Belgian 夢想專訪5 – 比利時男生的靈修夢

Without any plans, I came to this ashram and orphanage located in the desert area suddenly. I met so many Westerners here, aged from 20s to 60s, most of them came here to stay for a short period of time every year. I met a family from Belgium on the first evening I arrived, and got to know the mother and daughter. They both came for 1.5 month only, while the son was already here for 2.5 years. The mother just bought a house nearby and wanted to ask the son to help taking care of it while she was gone, but the son insisted to stay in the volunteer quarter inside the ashram. He would rather use his precious time to serve the children here than taking care of the house. I always bumped into this guy during the first 3 days of my arrival, but he was always so busy that we never got to say hello. Till yesterday, I finally managed to sit down and had a long chat with him, understanding his unique story.

Sarva is his name here, meaning “God is everywhere”. He didn’t even want to mention his Belgium name to me. Sarva is very young, 27 only, but has already been here for 2.5 years. After I explained why I was interviewing him, he was like telling his story thousand times before already, shared his story with me in a very organized and timely way.

Sarva used to be like one of the typical youth, studied in Europe, went out for movies and played video games with friends in his spare time. His mom was always interested in spirituality, and practiced meditation all the time. His dad, however, wasn’t interested in spirituality at all, only wanted to do business and earn money. Sarva always laughed at his mom, made jokes on everything she did on spirituality. One day suddenly, Sarva started thinking why he was doing that. It was really not nice to do that to his own mother.

Sarva used to have very low confidence. He had doubts, fear and was always unsure about many things. He always thought in a scientific way, didn’t have too much feelings or intuitions. He felt something was not right and he had to change something in his life. It was his final year of study, what was he going to do in the following year? Work? Study? Start a family? All seemed wrong. He had been studying for 23 years since his birth. Then he decided to spend a year traveling in India. He started looking up on the internet, he wanted to go to a spiritual place, somewhere wisdom, something useful to take with in his life, not just to have fun.
He didn’t know anything about that place, nor his mom. He later found online a website of an ashram in India, good information, good pictures, and most important it was free of charge. He believed that the pure things should be without cost. However, after settling everything, at the very last moment, the ashram asked him for a lot of money, telling him the course had been changed for Indians only, foreigners needed to pay 5000 Euros. Since he had already fixed his mind so hard on that, he agreed to pay, thought that he would work hard later to earn back the money. In the next morning he told his mom to help him pay in advance, but throughout the day he was feeling bad because it really cost a lot of money. In the evening he asked his mom again, and his mom really didn’t pay. His mom said her friend called and said she could not sleep whole night thinking of Sarva’s story, thinking the place would not be a good place to go if he had to pay so much. She shared she knew a famous Saint in India called Swami, who was the founder of this Sri Premananda Ashram.

Sarva looked it up on the internet about Swami, he watched his videos, and found that Swami wanted nothing but love from his followers. Sarva felt very good from looking at Swami’s picture, felt he looked so genuine. He read his articles, knowing that he was in prison, but he believed he was innocent. Sarva really wanted to come here. Finally, he came in 2009, and stayed for 4 months. He had a private interview with Swami, although it only lasted for 5 minutes. Swami told Sarva it was very important for him to have a spiritual life. Sarva listened to him and decided to stay for 4 months, he changed a lot since then. Was it the interview that changed him, he was also not sure.

After Sarva went home, he totally changed to a different person. He was so neat, and helped his mom to make food. He started to understand the importance of family, and helped people who were difficult. His peers were all shocked to see his changes. He no longer played video games, went to movies, he liked to do puja, meditation, and became a vegetarian. He had faith in Swami he would stay strong, and would no longer go back to the old habits. His mom, sister and grandmom slowly accepted this great Saint as well.

Sarva didn’t see his old friends anymore. His mom also started a Swami centre in Belgium. His sister met his French boyfriend in a Swami meditation course, and will be coming to the ashram for their wedding ceremony next year February.    

The first time when Sarva was here, Swami told him to go back home to finish his study. His dad also wanted him to finish his phD. Sarva started his phD on pharmacy on herbal medicine in 2010, however, he quitted in 6 months because no company wanted to sponsor his research anymore. It was difficult in Europe because all companies only thought about earning money when herbal medicine cost so much in research but had so little in returns. Sarva didn’t know whether he should come back to India or not because Swami asked him to finish his studies before going back to India.

Sarva decided to head to Spain for the pilgrimage of Santiago de Compostela. He spent 40 days in 2011, walked 1000km from Loundes, France to Spain. Walking became a way of life during those days. He arrived at different places everyday and met so many young people, saw other spiritual things, and got to think about things. After the pilgrimage Sarva found his answer, he had to come back to India. Time flies, he has already been here for 2.5 years since 2011. He really liked to be here.

Sarva liked to stay for some time here but didn’t want to tell how long. He liked it here. The spiritual life in ashram is easy, seva, puja, meditation. These are all easy things. Life outside ashram is too difficult, money, houses, family, too many things always have to be done. A lot of visitors come here to do seva, are all inspiring to the children. You do not need to change the whole world, but you can still do the work that need to be done.

Now Sarva mainly did seva with the children and the youth. He didn’t particularly like youth. He was only interested in the children here. He always wanted to see the children. He thought it was so important for the children to be happy. The children here inspired him to do youth work.

The children here are very special. Most of them do not have parents or never saw them before. They have to be very strong, take care of themselves and wash their own clothes. Every morning they need to get up at 4am and go to the puja hall for the abhishekam and do seva. They watch Swami’s videos, get to know this Saint, and learn more in spirituality. Sarva would lead the children and do gardening seva. Sarva said it is not about the work, but to get to know the nature, work together in a group, respect each other, how to do things, be organized, be neat. Most importantly, the children should learn to do things because love doing it, rather than prize or punishment. With this attitude they can do anything. Sarva also have morning meetings with the leaders, tell them what they did well and not well, he tells stories, shared his life, ask about their lives, and give out spiritual messages.

Sarva shared Swami’s sayings, no matters big or small person say something, one must listen and think well because they have equal value. Small children are very pure, they are not affected by the world yet. Future of the world depends on children raised today. Just like today’s world are now ruled by the children raised 30 years ago. It is important for the children today to do more selfless seva, puja, meditation to have good foundation. The world can become a better place.

Sarva said Swami also wanted to change young people today. They lost their potential, are not strong, nor taking initiatives. They only reply on the external things like computers, TV, media, short term happiness. They must learn to live happy, be together, listen and help each other, be with families, think what they want to do in life and what is good for them. Life is like a journey, everyone is on a visit. We all come with nothing and go with nothing. Think about it, do something good, don’t waste time on things. Swami encouraged people to do things, but didn’t say one must, he only said can, and asked them to make their own decisions, how to do and when to do. Study is very important, only when have freetime then they can go to youth group, be with young people, do service, meditation, get inspired, they would not feel alone in spirituality.

Sarva think this is a very special place, the physical vibration of the energy is special here, and it is easier for the mind to focus. When a person is always staying at a flower field and get used to it, unless he leave this place, then he can understand the difference. Just like people go to the downtown and come back here, then they can feel the energy difference.

Swami went to jail in 1994, Sarva thought that was because Swami was very popular. High trees get more wind, Sarva said. Newspaper, TV always reported here. Swami went to Samadhi in 2011, but this ashram kept on going well till today, many people were surprised and thought it was a miracle.

Swami encouraged people to live a normal life, have work and family, but also have spiritual life. Sarva love this Saint so much, he learnt a lot from his teachings. He would like to work on the values he gave.

Sarva used to feel he could not live fully, was not complete, felt blockage, could not use his energy and went all the way. Now, however, he feels he can live fully.

Sarva shared in order to live your dream, one must follow your heart. It may be difficult at first but after you will feel great. Use the time well. The maximum we can live is 100 years old, so how are we going to live? Since we have nothing during birth or death, we would not lose anything. Don’t be afraid too much, the only goal we should have is to be happy.

Sarva gave me a book named “Way of Life – Youth in Unity”, which was the first spiritual discourse book and was only published recently. They collected Swami’s teachings for youth, like how to be in unity with family and friends. When Swami was living he used to write letters and gave speech to the youth. Now he had gone to Samadhi, this book can give advice and inspirations to all the youth followers from all over the world.

25/03/2014
written in Sri Premananda Ashram volunteer quarter
  
夢想專訪5 – 比利時藥劑師的靈修夢

要好好運用自己的時間,每人頂多活到100歲,要想清楚自己要怎麼生活。既然出生和死亡都是兩袖清風,也不需要害怕失去任何東西,不要害怕太多,唯一的目標,就是要活得快樂。


無意中來到這間位於沙漠地帶的修道院暨孤兒院,遇見很多歐美人士在這裏靈修。他們的年紀,廿多歲到六十多歲都有,很多都是自己一個人每年過來作短期靈修,大約逗留一兩個月左右便回國。最令我印象深刻的,是一個來自比利時一家三口的家庭,剛到埗的晚上認識了母親和女兒,她們都是作短期靈修而已,但原來兒子卻已經在這裏逗留了兩年半了。母親最近在修道院附近買了房子,打算叫兒子幫忙看管,兒子卻寧願繼續住在修道院範圍內的宿舍,因為時間對他來說太重要了,他寧願多花時間去侍奉去幫助小孩子,也不願花時間打理那個新居。剛到埗的頭三天常常碰見這個男生,他卻好像很匆忙的,完全沒有跟他打招呼的機會,直至昨天,機緣巧合下竟然有機會坐下來跟他聊天,了解他的故事。

Sarva是這個男生在這裏的名字,是神靈無處不在的意思,他已經不願意透露自己真正的名字了。他很年輕,才27歲,已經在這間修道院逗留了兩年半的時間。解釋了我想訪問他的因由後,他像是已經說了無數次自己的故事一樣,很有組織很有時序地把故事跟我娓娓道來。

沒有目標的過去
唸書時期的Sarva是一個典型的歐洲年輕人,有空和朋友去看電影、打遊戲機。他媽媽一直都對靈性修行很有興趣,時常都做冥想打坐,但他爸爸卻對此完全不感興趣,只想做生意和賺錢。Sarva會常常拿媽媽開玩笑,笑她一切有關靈修的舉動。突然有一天,他開始思考為甚麼自己會這樣子拿媽媽開玩笑呢?這些舉動其實都是不應該的。

從前的他是一個決乏自信的人,對很多東西充滿懷疑、不確定,感到很不安。他是一個思考型的人,沒有太多情感和直覺,但總是覺得生命中有些東西不對勁,應該要改變。最後一年唸書,他開始思考畢業後要做甚麼。工作?讀書?組織家庭?好像都不對,出生開始已經不斷在唸書了,唸了23個年頭了。於是,他決定用一年時間去旅行。

讀萬卷書不如行萬里行
最後,Sarva決定去印度。他上網找資料,想找一處靈性的地方,一處充滿智慧的地方,讓他能夠學到有用的東西,能夠放在生命裏用得著的,他清楚知道,自己並不是去遊玩。但是,要到那裏呢?他媽媽也不知道。不斷在網上找資料,終於,他找到了一個網站,是一間在印度的修道院。相片、文字描述都很好,跟他所思所想的都很吻合,最重要的是免費的,他相信,只有免費的東西才是最清純。可是,當所有報名程序都辦妥,當他準備就緒即將要出發時,這間修道院卻突然跟他說之前報名的免費課程現在只開放給印度人,外國人需要另外收費五千歐羅。

由於已把全副心機放到這間修道院去了,Sarva只好答允交費,打算之後努力工作把錢賺回來,第二天早上出門前還交託媽媽先幫忙交費。可是一整天思前想後總是覺得這件事不對勁,因為收費真的太高昂了!晚上回家後立即問媽媽,她竟然說還沒有交費,原來當天她的朋友來電,說聽聞了Sarva的故事後突然在前一晚失眠,覺得要付那麼高昂的費用怎會是一個好的靈修地方呢!於是跟他媽媽說她知道印度有另一位聖人Swami。這位聖人,就是這間修道院的創辦人。

聖人的教導
Sarva上網看Swami的資料和影片,得知這位聖人甚麼都不會向信徒索取,他只需要信徒的愛戴。看見Swami的樣子Sarva已經感覺很平安,覺得他很真摯。看了他的文章得知他在服刑,但Sarva相信他是無辜的。那一刻開始,Sarva就很想很想到這間修道院。終於,2009年第一次來到,還有機會跟Swami單獨見面,雖然只是短短五分鐘的時間,Swami對他說,靈性追求對Sarva來說非常重要。因為那次單獨會面,Sarva決定留下來四個月,從此也改變了自己。

回家後他簡直變了另外一個人,變得很整潔,還會幫母親煮菜。他開始明白家庭的重要,還會主動幫助有需要的人。以前的朋友對他的轉變都大吃一驚,他不再打電子遊戲、看電影,只會去冥想打坐,還當了一個素食者。他對Swami有了一份信念,會堅持這種轉變,不會再沉迷以往的壞習慣,母親、妹妹和祖母也因而開始了解這位聖人。

他也不再跟以前的朋友來往,母親還在比利時開了一間 Swami靈修中心,妹妹透過Swami的冥想活動認識了法藉丈夫,明年二月還會專程來到印度的修道院舉行婚禮。

夢想的十字路口
Sarva第一次在這裏逗留的時候,Swami曾叫他先回國完成學業才回來,他爸爸也想他完成博士學位。於是在2010年他開始唸草本藥劑學,可是只唸了半年就沒有繼續了,因為沒有公司願意資助他進行硏究。在歐洲,所有藥廠都只想賺錢,而草本藥劑學的硏究成本太高了,利潤又少。那個時候,Sarva處於一個進退兩難的處境,他不知道自己應不應該回來印度,因為,Swami叫他要完成學業才回來的。

於是,他決定去西班牙一趟,去那個名為Santiago de Compostela的朝聖之旅,從法國用徒步的方式走路到西班牙。在2011年他用了四十天時間,總共走了一千公里路完成朝聖之旅。在路上,每天的徒步變成了生活的一部分,每天都走到不同的地方,遇到很多年輕人,看見了不同的靈性追求,思考了不同的事情。完成壯舉後也找到了答案,他知道自己要回來這裏。時光飛逝,2011年底到現在,轉眼間原來已經待了兩年半了,他真的很喜歡這個地方。

助人 自助
Sarva希望在這裏逗留一段時間,但又不想說實多久。他喜歡這個地方,喜歡這裏的靈性生活。這裏的生活很簡單,就是侍奉、朝拜、冥想,真是簡單不過的事情。外面的生活太複雜了,金錢、房屋、家庭,很多煩瑣但又不能不做的事。那麼多外國人來這裏侍奉,也可以給小孩子做好榜樣,啟發他們,就算不能改變整個世界,但起碼可以做自己能力範圍內的事。

現在他主要做小孩子和年青人的侍奉工作,Sarva本身沒有特別喜歡年青人工作,是在這個地方愛上了小孩子。他常常想去看小孩子,小孩子活得快樂是最重要的,是這裏的小孩子激發他去做年青人工作。

助苗 成長
這裏的小孩子都很特別,大部分都沒有父母,甚至沒有見過父母。他們都很堅強,要自己照顧自己,自己洗衣服,早上四時起床到禮堂禱告,然後做侍奉。他們會看Swami的影片,認識這位聖人,學習靈修的事情。Sarva會帶領小孩子做園藝侍奉,保持大自然清潔,他覺得最重要的不是做甚麼工作,是去認識大自然,學習與人合作、尊重別人、怎樣做事情,學組織能力,怎樣妥善管理器材等。最重要的,是希望孩子們能自發性去做,是從心去做那些事情,不是為了得到奬賞或避免懲罰,有了這樣的心態的話他們以後便能做任何事情了。每朝早Sarva會和小隊長集會,跟他們說有甚麼做得好和不好,也會分享自己生命中的小故事給他們聽,關心他們的生活,和傳遞一些靈性訊息。

Sarva緊記了很多Swami教誨,他說過,無論是大人物還是小孩子說話,都要用心聆聽和思考他們說話的內容,因為它們的價值是等同的。小孩子很清純,沒有被世俗影響,世界的未來是依賴現在的小孩子,他們現在怎樣成長非常重要,就像現在的世界是由三十年前的小孩子所管治一樣,所以現在的小孩子要多做無私的侍奉、禱告、冥想,有了穩固的基礎,未來的世界才會變得更好。

Swami的教導是希望能改變現在的年青人,因為現今的年青人有點迷失,他們不知道自己的潛能,不夠堅強,他們只會依賴外在的事物,只愛物質和玩樂。年青人要活得快樂,應該做一些對自己有益的事情,多點互相幫助,學習聆聽別人,跟家人一起,思考自己人生到底想要些甚麼。人生只是一場旅途,出生時一無所有,去世時同樣是一無所有,應該想想在這個世界做甚麼,多做善事,不應浪費時間。Swami會鼓勵年青人,他不會說一定要,但他會說可以這樣做,自己作決定怎樣做、何時做,不過讀書始終是最重要的,有空可以去青年聚會,跟其他年青人一起做侍奉、做冥想,互想啟發激勵,在靈性追求上才不會孤單。

活出聖人的夢想
Sarva說,這裏是一個很特別的地方,因為這裏的能量震動很特別,很容易令心靈專注起來。不過,當一個人一直待在花園旁,習慣了這裏的氣味,除非離開這裏,否則是不會感覺到那個分別的。就像人們每次出去繁華的市中心,回來這裏後一定會感覺到那股不同的能量。

Swami1994年被判入獄,但Sarva覺得那是因為樹大招風,他太有名氣了,以前的電視、報紙傳媒都常常報導這裏。Swami2011年初圓寂,但這裏仍能繼續運作至今時今日,很多人都覺得驚訝,覺得是奇蹟。從前他最愛鼓勵人們要過正常的生活,要有工作、家庭,同時也要有靈性追求。Sarva很愛戴這位聖人,他的教導令自己學會了很多東西,他願意跟從那些教導去付出。

從前自己總覺得生活不完整,做事不能做得好,感覺有阻礙,不能用盡自己的能力,現在,Sarva終於感覺到那份存在的價值,可以完完整整的生活。要活出夢想,要跟隨自己的心意行事,遇到阻礙不用害怕,事過境遷後便會感到那份喜悅。要好好運用自己的時間,每人頂多活到100歲,要想清楚自己要怎麼生活。既然出生和死亡都是兩袖清風,也不需要害怕失去任何東西,不要害怕太多,唯一的目標,就是要活得快樂。

Sarva給我送了一本名為Way of Life – Youth in Unity的書,是修道院今年才出版的。他們從Swami的教誨中收錄了給年青人的說話,好像怎樣和家人朋友和平共處等。Swami在世時會給年青人寫信、講道,但現在他已經圓寂了,所以希望把這本書送給世界各地接受Swami教誨的年青人,給他們啟發和提供意見。


25/03/2014
寫於Sri Premananda Ashram宿舍房間




Ochivaye Dreams 4 – Doctor Dream of an Indian girl 夢想專訪4 - 印度女生的行醫夢

My third couchsurfing host in India was Naaz, a local Indian girl. Since the first time she replied my couch request, I was very sure that she is a very kind-hearted person as she always replied me long mails. She needed to work when I arrived her place, so she described in very small details how to head to her house from the bus stop. Her mom even pushed back her schedule and stayed behind to wait for my arrival. Not only till I reached her house, then I found out from her mom that Naaz needed to walk with crutches all these years.

Naaz is now 36, born in a doctor family. Other than her mom who is a housewife, her dad is an eye doctor, her brother is a bone surgeon, she is now doing her internship in a government hospital, and her sister is still doing her final year in the medical school.

Naaz got sick when she was 15, suffered from Spinal Cord Tumor. She used to be a very active person and she played basketball. Suddenly she had to spend one whole year in hospital, depended on people all the time. Small things like getting thing next to her or going to the washroom she also needed to ask for help. She asked herself why it happened to her. The illness affected her ego, made her understand herself more, see who she was, and find the meaning of her life.

She received treatment from the hospital for 4-5 months, then moved to a rehabilitation centre for another 8-9months. There she met a girl Judy from Bangladesh, where she came from a very poor family. The joint between Judy’s arm and shoulder was having a small problem and all she needed was to put a rod in between. However, the surgery failed, the rod touched her spine and made her paralyze from neck down. She could not get out from bed at all. After 5-6 years of treatment, her family had already given up everything. But still, Judy remained a happy and cheerful person. Naaz, on the other hand, only paralyzed one leg, considered herself very lucky.

After one year in the hospital and rehabilitation centre, Naaz spent another year at home to rest and to do physiotherapy. In order to go back to school, she needed to study at home and catch up her studies. But that was the changing time of her life, she no longer pursued materialistic stuff, she felt happy with what she got. She finally saw who she was, and became a better person.

Naaz saw all the good things her father did since she was born. Her dad always wanted to work in rural area to give service to the poor. He started his eye clinic and general clinic in a small town. When people couldn’t afford the fee, they brought along their chickens, eggs, bananas from home to pay. If her dad found that the people had more need in those food, he would rather take nothing. He also never asked for money. From 30-40 years back till now he was doing his job unconditionally. Of course, if rich people or professionals came to the clinic, he would still charge them.

From the role modeling of her dad, Naaz always thought that doctor should give service to the poor. But she realized it was not the case when she started studying at the medical college. Many medical students thought that it is a prestige, an achievement to be a doctor. Many doctors would prescribe costly drugs just to earn more commissions, or choose to go abroad to work to make more money. Doing for own benefits has become a normal thing because they have been struggled for so long for studying for 7 years. Naaz saw the corrupted system in her country, poverty is so bad here in India and there are a lot of stuff to do. Medical systems are very good in the western countries anyway.

However, Naaz saw different things after she knew her husband from USA. There are people who could not afford the medical insurance in developed countries. People need help in different ways in different countries. So Naaz had a new thought, is to work for “Doctors without Borders”. She could then work all over the world where doctors are most needed. Her plan now is to get her US passport asap, moved to USA with her husband, live and work for 5-6 years there so that her qualifications are more recognized and it will be easier for her to get in “Doctors without Borders”.

Now Naaz and her husband lived in their own countries separately, could only meet up every 3-4 months. They would spend 2 weeks and go to places together. She loves traveling. She would meet nice people, interacted and shared stories about traveling and lives. Once she was rushing to see places, checking out the sightseeings, and lost time on traveling on buses. Now she would rather settling down and staying at different places, to understand a place, hear different things from people, see different sides of things, and open her mind. Working for “Doctors without Borders” has become her dream, so she could go to the poor countries and understand the places. 

Naaz studied in Zoology in her first degree, because she got sick all the time and she wanted to do things rather than just staying home. The school was the nearest one from her home. She also did clinical psychology for her post-grad to learn about people’s mind. She then got a scholarship from the government medical college to study medicine. However, other people took 7 years to finish the studies, while Naaz spent 8 years. She is now working at the government hospital where the poor people come in, be there for people who need help. She wanted to help the poor unconditionally, just like her dad did.

However, life was not always smooth for Naaz. She studied and worked in the medical school with a lot of hardworks, and she often got sick. She felt struggled and depressed sometimes, why her health and what she did could not balance. She also thought of quitting medical school. Her disability made her slow in doing stuff. Even doing the same thing, she needed to walk with crutches to get things done. Some classmates got annoyed and felt irritated, because 7 years weren’t a short time. Some classmates were more accommodated, asked her to take her time, these were all wonderful people and friends.

Her husband Ken was like her pillar in life. He has all she missed out in her life, he is patient, always reminded her what she wanted to do. Whenever she felt struggled, he stood by and told her it was just a means to an end. They travelled, took a break from all the stresses. They shared stories, so she could see things differently, knowing that it is a temporary period only. She met wonderful people and strangers who gave her support and asked her not to give up, telling her that people always struggle to get what they want.

Till now, Naaz’s condition is still unstable, especially when she didn’t have enough rest. She worked 12 hours shift, either 8am-8pm, or 8pm-8am. Sometimes she sat too long, her spinal cord got compressed and gave pain. Sometimes she even went into shock. It is so tiring but she knew she has to make it through, she is thankful for the great family support.

Naaz hope she could be a good doctor, she shared her favorite quote from Abraham Lincoln, the Ex-President of the USA,

“I walk slowly, but I never walk backward.”

Regarding pursuing dreams, Naaz said, “You need to dream, only then you know you can get there. Nothing can stop you, dream big. Be yourself, don’t be someone you are not for someone else. Be happy, you must chase dreams.”

Naaz gave me a bracelet made of plastic beads, which was from a Kenya tribe called Masai people. It is a friendship bend which keeps away the evil, and connects people with similar interest. The world is getting smaller, and people are coming together.

25/03/2014

written in Sri Premananda Ashram volunteer quarter  

夢想專訪4 - 印度女醫生的懸壺濟世夢

不要忘記夢想,每次有掙扎時,一切都是實現夢想的過程,都是短暫過度期而已


在印度第三次借宿的主人,是一位印度女生Naaz。從她第一次給我回覆電郵開始,在她的文字中就能感受到她是一位很熱心腸的女生,每次都給我打長長的回覆。由於我到埗的時間她已經上班,她把巴士站到她家的路線給我描述得一清二楚,她媽媽還刻意延遲出門時間在家等候我。抵埗後和她媽媽交談時才得知,原來Naaz是一位需要依靠拐仗走路的女生。

Naaz今年36歲,生長在一個醫生世家,除了媽媽是家庭主婦外,爸爸是眼科醫生,哥哥是骨科醫生,她現在在政府醫院工作,妹妹現在仍在唸醫科。

從病患中成長
十五歲時候Naaz開始得病,她患了脊椎腫瘤。從前她是一個很活躍的人,還會打籃球,突然患病令她住在醫院一整年時間,甚麼事情都需要依靠別人,好像在身邊不遠處拿東西那麼簡單的事情,或是上厠所,都需要向別人請求幫忙。她會問自己為甚麼在自己身上發生這種事情呢?患病影響了她的自我,但同時間令她更認識自己,開始找尋人生的意義。

在醫院接受了四五個月的療程後,她又花了八九個月在療養院,在那裏她認識了一位孟加拉女孩JudyJudy來自一個很窮困的家庭,本來她的手臂近膊頭處關節有小問題令她高低膊,只需做一個小手術放一支金屬棒入關節處而已。但結果手術失誤,金屬棒弄到她的頸椎,令她頸椎以下身體全身癱瘓,只能長期臥在床上。接受了五六年的治療,家人把全家值錢的東西都花光了,但Judy仍然是一個樂觀的女孩。Naaz相比之下,只是失去了一支腿的活動能力,已經算是很幸運。

花了一年時間在醫院和療養院後,Naaz回家後又花了一年時間在家療養和做物理治療。為了準備重新上學,她還要在家中自修。不過,那是她生命中的轉捩點,她開始不再著重太多物質上的東西,珍惜自己所擁有的,她真正認識自己,覺得自己變成一個更好的人。

父親的身教
小時候Naaz已看見爸爸的行善。她爸爸一直想在農村地區服務貧苦大眾,於是在一個小村莊開設了他的普通科門診連眼科診所。村民們負擔不起診金,便把家裏最好的食物都帶來,家裏飼養的雞隻、雞蛋,田裏種的香蕉蔬菜等,假如她爸爸覺得那些食物對村民來說也太貴重了,他寧願甚麼也不收,也從不主動向人家收診金,三四十年前開始到現在都仍然是這樣,無條件的付出,不冀求特別的回報。當然,專業人士或者有錢人來看診的話,他會照樣收診金。

從爸爸對行醫的模範作風,Naaz自少便覺得行醫應該是幫助有需要的人。可是,當她真的到醫學院唸醫科時,卻看到不一樣的事情。身邊大部分的同學都不是這樣想,他們會認為醫生是一種名譽、是一種成就,很多醫生選擇開一些貴價專利藥以賺取佣金;又或是到外國行醫,因為能賺更多的錢。他們覺得讀醫科要唸七年書,那麼辛苦當然要有所回報,所以先考慮自己的利益是天經地義的事。Naaz看見整個國家醫療制度的腐敗,在印度明明有很多貧苦大眾需要服務,為甚麼要跑到外國呢?人家外國的醫療保障那麼好,已經有醫療保險負擔高昂的醫療費用了。

無國界行醫夢
不過,當Naaz認識了她的美籍丈夫後,又有了不同的看法。原來在發達國家,也有一群貧苦大眾是買不起醫療保險的,每個國家也有不同的人有著不同的需要。於是,Naaz有了新的想法,就是到「無國界醫生」工作,她可以到不同地方幫助最貧困最需要醫生的人。她現在的計劃是快點拿到美國護照,搬到美國和丈夫一起生活和工作五六年,令自己的醫生資歷更被認可,為將來能到「無國界醫生」工作鋪路。

現在,她和美藉丈夫分隔兩地,只能每三四個月見一次面,花兩個星期一起去旅行。她很喜歡旅行,因為旅行的時候能夠遇見很多有善的人,大家一起交流,一起分享生活故事。曾經,她像一般遊客一樣走馬看花,但發覺把時間浪費在交通上太不化算了。所以現在她希望能夠在不同國家停留下來工作生活,了解那個地方,聽人們分享不同事情不同看法,知道事情的不同層面,擴濶自己的眼界,所以到「無國界醫生」工作是她的夢想,到貧困地區,體驗當地文化。

充滿荊棘的旅途
原來一開始Naaz在大學是唸動物學,那時候她時常生病,但又想做些事情,不想只待在家裏,離她家最近的大學最好的就是這門學系。之後她還唸過臨床心理學,了解人的心理,後來拿到了奬學金,到政府開辦的醫學院唸醫科。別人花七年時間,她卻花了八年才畢業。現在她在政府的醫院工作,因為那裏有最貧困的人,她希望能服務貧苦大眾,跟她爸爸一樣,不求回報,無條件地幫助別人。

現在的生活其實也不是一帆風順的。在醫學院唸書和工作,但讀書太辛苦了,身體捱不住時常生病,有時候她也會覺得很掙扎,有點抑鬱,為甚麼身體健康和她想做的事不能共存呢?她甚至想過放棄唸醫科,因為殘疾令她做事比人慢,同樣的事情,因為需要依靠拐仗走動,拿東西那樣簡單的事情也會變得很費時。有些同學會因此覺得不滿,七年並不是短的時間,幸好,有些同學很好,明白她的處境,願意配合她的需要。

家人同行與支持
丈夫Ken就像是Naaz生命中的支柱,他擁有的就是她所缺乏的。他很有耐性,時常提點她不要忘記夢想,每次有掙扎時,丈夫都會提醒她一切都是實現夢想的過程,都是短暫過度期而已。他們會去旅行,從壓力中暫時休息一下,他們會分享彼此的經歷和故事,讓她從另一個角度看事情。在路上她會遇見各種難能可貴的人,連陌生人都支持自己,叫她不要放棄,因為想要的東西一定要經過掙扎才能得到的。

直至現在,Naaz的健康情況仍然是時好時壞。每當休息不夠,尤其在醫院上班輪班十二小時,有時坐太久令她脊椎受壓痛楚增加,甚至會突然昏迷。不過雖然很疲累,但她知道自己要堅持下去,她很感恩家庭的支持。

Naaz希望能成為一個好醫生,她和我分享了一句她最愛的座佑銘,是來自美國前總統林肯的:

「雖然我走得很慢,但我不會走回頭路」

關於夢想,Naaz說:「你必須追夢,才會知道自己可以到那裏,沒有東西可以阻礙你,要敢於做夢。做自己,不要為了滿足別人而做一個別人期望的人。要活得快樂,要努力去追夢。」

Naaz送出了一條非洲肯亞的膠珠手鏈給我作交換禮物。那是一條來自Massai部落的友誼手鏈,能把惡魔阻隔開,把相同興趣的人連繫起來,現在的世界變得越來越小,人們走得越來越近了。



25/03/2014
寫於Sri Premananda Ashram的宿舍內


2014/03/24

流浪的意義

其中一句最喜歡的座佑銘是:

No Plan is a Good Plan
計劃總趕不上變化

遊覽完避暑山莊Otty,隨心在旅遊書挑了一個小市鎮Trichy做目的地,卻沒有預計會搭上四程巴士十個小時車程晚上七時才到達。抵埗後發覺這那裏是一個小市鎮,根本就是一個大城市!跟著旅遊書找平宜旅館街,卻總是找不著,看見遠處街上站著一個白人女人,以為別人都是背包客打算參考人家的住宿,人家卻說她住在郊區的修道院!本來只打算抄下修道院名稱之後才去上網了解一下,但看見人家的的士來了,聽見人家的住宿是免費的只需捐獻,立即念頭一轉,不如就立即跟過去看一下了解一下吧!

這就是我的流浪,真的不用計劃太多。

Follow your Heart
跟著心走就好了

Follow your Intuition
It can never go wrong
直覺永遠是對的

這是一個很特別的地方,有點人潔地靈的感覺。身處在沙漠地帶,人們說這裏兩年沒下雨了,花草樹木都像快要枯萎了,我卻常常聽到小鳥蟋蟀草蜢的歌聲,看見的是孔雀松鼠小狗胡亂走,烏鴉小鳥青蛙胡亂跳。每天早午晚三餐走到飯堂去吃飯,會遇見不同國藉的叔叔和嬸嬸,一面吃飯一面聊天,簡單的素食卻吃上了兩個多小時。間中去看看人家西方信徒主持印度宗教儀式,印度小孩唱誦著經文,生活好不寫意。每天都不知道明天的計劃,聽到人家說那裏有好玩的,就去八卦一下;那裏需要幫忙的,就去幫忙一下。去廚房幫忙切生果,去禮堂幫忙入信封,去小孩子的畢業禮幫忙拍照,每天的時間都很快過。一轉眼已經來了這裏五天了,很快又一天,很想打文章,很想把之前訪問的內容都打出來,打了好幾天都沒有打完,等一會兒又要去幫忙派雪糕了。

一個比利時女孩跟我說,大學畢業的她本來打算來印度三個月,然後回國找工作,一轉眼卻在這裏逗留了十四年。不知道我在印度的三個月,一轉眼又會是甚麼…….

22/03/2014

寫於Sri Premananda Ashram的宿舍陽台

跟著地圖走 只會到達標示的地方 
隨心而行 定會發現另一片天空