My third couchsurfing host in India was
Naaz, a local Indian girl. Since the first time she replied my couch request, I
was very sure that she is a very kind-hearted person as she always replied me
long mails. She needed to work when I arrived her place, so she described in
very small details how to head to her house from the bus stop. Her mom even
pushed back her schedule and stayed behind to wait for my arrival. Not only
till I reached her house, then I found out from her mom that Naaz needed to
walk with crutches all these years.
Naaz is now 36, born in a doctor family.
Other than her mom who is a housewife, her dad is an eye doctor, her brother is
a bone surgeon, she is now doing her internship in a government hospital, and
her sister is still doing her final year in the medical school.
Naaz got sick when she was 15, suffered
from Spinal Cord Tumor. She used to be a very active person and she played
basketball. Suddenly she had to spend one whole year in hospital, depended on
people all the time. Small things like getting thing next to her or going to
the washroom she also needed to ask for help. She asked herself why it happened
to her. The illness affected her ego, made her understand herself more, see who
she was, and find the meaning of her life.
She received treatment from the hospital
for 4-5 months, then moved to a rehabilitation centre for another 8-9months.
There she met a girl Judy from Bangladesh, where she came from a very poor
family. The joint between Judy’s arm and shoulder was having a small problem
and all she needed was to put a rod in between. However, the surgery failed,
the rod touched her spine and made her paralyze from neck down. She could not
get out from bed at all. After 5-6 years of treatment, her family had already
given up everything. But still, Judy remained a happy and cheerful person.
Naaz, on the other hand, only paralyzed one leg, considered herself very lucky.
After one year in the hospital and rehabilitation
centre, Naaz spent another year at home to rest and to do physiotherapy. In
order to go back to school, she needed to study at home and catch up her studies.
But that was the changing time of her life, she no longer pursued materialistic
stuff, she felt happy with what she got. She finally saw who she was, and
became a better person.
Naaz saw all the good things her father did
since she was born. Her dad always wanted to work in rural area to give service
to the poor. He started his eye clinic and general clinic in a small town. When
people couldn’t afford the fee, they brought along their chickens, eggs, bananas
from home to pay. If her dad found that the people had more need in those food,
he would rather take nothing. He also never asked for money. From 30-40 years
back till now he was doing his job unconditionally. Of course, if rich people
or professionals came to the clinic, he would still charge them.
From the role modeling of her dad, Naaz
always thought that doctor should give service to the poor. But she realized it
was not the case when she started studying at the medical college. Many medical
students thought that it is a prestige, an achievement to be a doctor. Many
doctors would prescribe costly drugs just to earn more commissions, or choose
to go abroad to work to make more money. Doing for own benefits has become a
normal thing because they have been struggled for so long for studying for 7
years. Naaz saw the corrupted system in her country, poverty is so bad here in
India and there are a lot of stuff to do. Medical systems are very good in the
western countries anyway.
However, Naaz saw different things after
she knew her husband from USA. There are people who could not afford the
medical insurance in developed countries. People need help in different ways in
different countries. So Naaz had a new thought, is to work for “Doctors without
Borders”. She could then work all over the world where doctors are most needed.
Her plan now is to get her US passport asap, moved to USA with her husband,
live and work for 5-6 years there so that her qualifications are more
recognized and it will be easier for her to get in “Doctors without Borders”.
Now Naaz and her husband lived in their own
countries separately, could only meet up every 3-4 months. They would spend 2
weeks and go to places together. She loves traveling. She would meet nice
people, interacted and shared stories about traveling and lives. Once she was
rushing to see places, checking out the sightseeings, and lost time on
traveling on buses. Now she would rather settling down and staying at different
places, to understand a place, hear different things from people, see different
sides of things, and open her mind. Working for “Doctors without Borders” has
become her dream, so she could go to the poor countries and understand the
places.
Naaz studied in Zoology in her first
degree, because she got sick all the time and she wanted to do things rather
than just staying home. The school was the nearest one from her home. She also
did clinical psychology for her post-grad to learn about people’s mind. She
then got a scholarship from the government medical college to study medicine.
However, other people took 7 years to finish the studies, while Naaz spent 8
years. She is now working at the government hospital where the poor people come
in, be there for people who need help. She wanted to help the poor unconditionally,
just like her dad did.
However, life was not always smooth for
Naaz. She studied and worked in the medical school with a lot of hardworks, and
she often got sick. She felt struggled and depressed sometimes, why her health
and what she did could not balance. She also thought of quitting medical
school. Her disability made her slow in doing stuff. Even doing the same thing,
she needed to walk with crutches to get things done. Some classmates got
annoyed and felt irritated, because 7 years weren’t a short time. Some
classmates were more accommodated, asked her to take her time, these were all
wonderful people and friends.
Her husband Ken was like her pillar in
life. He has all she missed out in her life, he is patient, always reminded her
what she wanted to do. Whenever she felt struggled, he stood by and told her it
was just a means to an end. They travelled, took a break from all the stresses.
They shared stories, so she could see things differently, knowing that it is a
temporary period only. She met wonderful people and strangers who gave her
support and asked her not to give up, telling her that people always struggle
to get what they want.
Till now, Naaz’s condition is still
unstable, especially when she didn’t have enough rest. She worked 12 hours
shift, either 8am-8pm, or 8pm-8am. Sometimes she sat too long, her spinal cord
got compressed and gave pain. Sometimes she even went into shock. It is so
tiring but she knew she has to make it through, she is thankful for the great
family support.
Naaz hope she could be a good doctor, she
shared her favorite quote from Abraham Lincoln, the Ex-President of the USA,
“I walk slowly, but I never walk backward.”
Regarding pursuing dreams, Naaz said, “You
need to dream, only then you know you can get there. Nothing can stop you, dream
big. Be yourself, don’t be someone you are not for someone else. Be happy, you
must chase dreams.”
Naaz gave me a bracelet made of plastic
beads, which was from a Kenya tribe called Masai people. It is a friendship
bend which keeps away the evil, and connects people with similar interest. The
world is getting smaller, and people are coming together.
25/03/2014
written in Sri Premananda Ashram volunteer
quarter
夢想專訪4 - 印度女醫生的懸壺濟世夢
「不要忘記夢想，每次有掙扎時，一切都是實現夢想的過程，都是短暫過度期而已」
在印度第三次借宿的主人，是一位印度女生Naaz。從她第一次給我回覆電郵開始，在她的文字中就能感受到她是一位很熱心腸的女生，每次都給我打長長的回覆。由於我到埗的時間她已經上班，她把巴士站到她家的路線給我描述得一清二楚，她媽媽還刻意延遲出門時間在家等候我。抵埗後和她媽媽交談時才得知，原來Naaz是一位需要依靠拐仗走路的女生。
Naaz今年36歲，生長在一個醫生世家，除了媽媽是家庭主婦外，爸爸是眼科醫生，哥哥是骨科醫生，她現在在政府醫院工作，妹妹現在仍在唸醫科。
從病患中成長
十五歲時候Naaz開始得病，她患了脊椎腫瘤。從前她是一個很活躍的人，還會打籃球，突然患病令她住在醫院一整年時間，甚麼事情都需要依靠別人，好像在身邊不遠處拿東西那麼簡單的事情，或是上厠所，都需要向別人請求幫忙。她會問自己為甚麼在自己身上發生這種事情呢？患病影響了她的自我，但同時間令她更認識自己，開始找尋人生的意義。
在醫院接受了四五個月的療程後，她又花了八九個月在療養院，在那裏她認識了一位孟加拉女孩Judy。Judy來自一個很窮困的家庭，本來她的手臂近膊頭處關節有小問題令她高低膊，只需做一個小手術放一支金屬棒入關節處而已。但結果手術失誤，金屬棒弄到她的頸椎，令她頸椎以下身體全身癱瘓，只能長期臥在床上。接受了五六年的治療，家人把全家值錢的東西都花光了，但Judy仍然是一個樂觀的女孩。Naaz相比之下，只是失去了一支腿的活動能力，已經算是很幸運。
花了一年時間在醫院和療養院後，Naaz回家後又花了一年時間在家療養和做物理治療。為了準備重新上學，她還要在家中自修。不過，那是她生命中的轉捩點，她開始不再著重太多物質上的東西，珍惜自己所擁有的，她真正認識自己，覺得自己變成一個更好的人。
父親的身教
小時候Naaz已看見爸爸的行善。她爸爸一直想在農村地區服務貧苦大眾，於是在一個小村莊開設了他的普通科門診連眼科診所。村民們負擔不起診金，便把家裏最好的食物都帶來，家裏飼養的雞隻、雞蛋，田裏種的香蕉蔬菜等，假如她爸爸覺得那些食物對村民來說也太貴重了，他寧願甚麼也不收，也從不主動向人家收診金，三四十年前開始到現在都仍然是這樣，無條件的付出，不冀求特別的回報。當然，專業人士或者有錢人來看診的話，他會照樣收診金。
從爸爸對行醫的模範作風，Naaz自少便覺得行醫應該是幫助有需要的人。可是，當她真的到醫學院唸醫科時，卻看到不一樣的事情。身邊大部分的同學都不是這樣想，他們會認為醫生是一種名譽、是一種成就，很多醫生選擇開一些貴價專利藥以賺取佣金；又或是到外國行醫，因為能賺更多的錢。他們覺得讀醫科要唸七年書，那麼辛苦當然要有所回報，所以先考慮自己的利益是天經地義的事。Naaz看見整個國家醫療制度的腐敗，在印度明明有很多貧苦大眾需要服務，為甚麼要跑到外國呢？人家外國的醫療保障那麼好，已經有醫療保險負擔高昂的醫療費用了。
無國界行醫夢
不過，當Naaz認識了她的美籍丈夫後，又有了不同的看法。原來在發達國家，也有一群貧苦大眾是買不起醫療保險的，每個國家也有不同的人有著不同的需要。於是，Naaz有了新的想法，就是到「無國界醫生」工作，她可以到不同地方幫助最貧困最需要醫生的人。她現在的計劃是快點拿到美國護照，搬到美國和丈夫一起生活和工作五六年，令自己的醫生資歷更被認可，為將來能到「無國界醫生」工作鋪路。
現在，她和美藉丈夫分隔兩地，只能每三四個月見一次面，花兩個星期一起去旅行。她很喜歡旅行，因為旅行的時候能夠遇見很多有善的人，大家一起交流，一起分享生活故事。曾經，她像一般遊客一樣走馬看花，但發覺把時間浪費在交通上太不化算了。所以現在她希望能夠在不同國家停留下來工作生活，了解那個地方，聽人們分享不同事情不同看法，知道事情的不同層面，擴濶自己的眼界，所以到「無國界醫生」工作是她的夢想，到貧困地區，體驗當地文化。
充滿荊棘的旅途
原來一開始Naaz在大學是唸動物學，那時候她時常生病，但又想做些事情，不想只待在家裏，離她家最近的大學最好的就是這門學系。之後她還唸過臨床心理學，了解人的心理，後來拿到了奬學金，到政府開辦的醫學院唸醫科。別人花七年時間，她卻花了八年才畢業。現在她在政府的醫院工作，因為那裏有最貧困的人，她希望能服務貧苦大眾，跟她爸爸一樣，不求回報，無條件地幫助別人。
現在的生活其實也不是一帆風順的。在醫學院唸書和工作，但讀書太辛苦了，身體捱不住時常生病，有時候她也會覺得很掙扎，有點抑鬱，為甚麼身體健康和她想做的事不能共存呢？她甚至想過放棄唸醫科，因為殘疾令她做事比人慢，同樣的事情，因為需要依靠拐仗走動，拿東西那樣簡單的事情也會變得很費時。有些同學會因此覺得不滿，七年並不是短的時間，幸好，有些同學很好，明白她的處境，願意配合她的需要。
家人同行與支持
丈夫Ken就像是Naaz生命中的支柱，他擁有的就是她所缺乏的。他很有耐性，時常提點她不要忘記夢想，每次有掙扎時，丈夫都會提醒她一切都是實現夢想的過程，都是短暫過度期而已。他們會去旅行，從壓力中暫時休息一下，他們會分享彼此的經歷和故事，讓她從另一個角度看事情。在路上她會遇見各種難能可貴的人，連陌生人都支持自己，叫她不要放棄，因為想要的東西一定要經過掙扎才能得到的。
直至現在，Naaz的健康情況仍然是時好時壞。每當休息不夠，尤其在醫院上班輪班十二小時，有時坐太久令她脊椎受壓痛楚增加，甚至會突然昏迷。不過雖然很疲累，但她知道自己要堅持下去，她很感恩家庭的支持。
Naaz希望能成為一個好醫生，她和我分享了一句她最愛的座佑銘，是來自美國前總統林肯的：
「雖然我走得很慢，但我不會走回頭路」
關於夢想，Naaz說：「你必須追夢，才會知道自己可以到那裏，沒有東西可以阻礙你，要敢於做夢。做自己，不要為了滿足別人而做一個別人期望的人。要活得快樂，要努力去追夢。」
Naaz送出了一條非洲肯亞的膠珠手鏈給我作交換禮物。那是一條來自Massai部落的友誼手鏈，能把惡魔阻隔開，把相同興趣的人連繫起來，現在的世界變得越來越小，人們走得越來越近了。
25/03/2014
寫於Sri Premananda Ashram的宿舍內
